Over the course of my professional life, I have often reflected on the many visible and invisible ways in which gender shapes our experiences. As a woman officer in the Indian Administrative Service, I too have experienced subtle and not-so-subtle realities of gender bias.
There were times when I felt that women entering administrative spaces were seen as challengers to a domain traditionally occupied by men. Even when one performed well, there remained an underlying hesitation in offering women key assignments or positions of influence; Whereas, members of the public approached me with trust and expectation, for them my gender did not matter. In fact they, especially women believed that a woman officer would be more responsive to their concerns. I remember as Commissioner Jhansi, women would directly come to me bypassing local officials. Their trust was deeply touching.
My tenure as Chairperson of the National Commission for Protection of Child Rights (NCPCR) deepened my understanding of society profoundly. Until then, I had worked in sectors ranging from industries and media to social justice and disability affairs. But working exclusively on issues affecting children exposed me to painful realities that I had never experienced earlier.
India has a beautiful Constitution. Our Constitution-makers recognized that children are the nation’s most precious resource and that they deserve care, protection, and investment. Over time, in view of the deeply disturbing reality of children, amongst several laws, two important laws- viz the Juvenile Justice Act, 2015 and, the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act, 2012 were framed to safeguard the rights of children.
One of the most shocking realizations was the extent of violence inflicted upon children by those closest to them. I encountered cases of horrific sexual abuse involving children barely old enough to speak. In many cases, the perpetrators were fathers, grandfathers, uncles, or trusted relatives. I remember seeing a child of barely one and a half years who had suffered unimaginable sexual brutality. It forced me to introspect: as to what has so terribly gone wrong in our society, that those entrusted with protecting children have become perpetrators of violence?
As I reflected more deeply on these issues, I realized that the culture of violence often begins within the family itself and perpetuates across generations. A child who grows up witnessing violence absorbs it into their understanding of relationships and power. A boy who sees his mother being humiliated or beaten may imbibe the learning that that aggressive behavior is acceptable. A girl raised in fear and insecurity may begin to believe that suffering in silence is the acceptable behavior.
One of the most painful experiences of my early career as a Sub-Divisional Magistrate was recordings of dying declarations of women. Some had suffered severe burn injuries, often due to dowry-related violence. Many of these women were in unbearable pain, yet they refused to name their perpetrators. At the time, I struggled to understand why. Later, I realized that many remained silent because they may have feared for the future of their children. They worried that if the father was imprisoned, their children would suffer social stigma and economic insecurity. This silence, born out of sacrifice and helplessness, continues to trap countless women in abusive home situations.
The experience of girls and women in our society continues to be shaped by restrictive gender norms. From a very young age, girls are taught caution and restraint. The world gradually expands for boys but narrows for girls. Boys are encouraged to move freely, while girls are constantly reminded and supervised about how they should dress, speak, behave, or protect themselves.
I consider myself fortunate to have grown up in a family of five daughters only. We were treated equally and encouraged to study and move forward confidently. But on entering public life, I became aware of how patriarchal our society is. But, now after so many years a change is taking place. Across India, more families are educating daughters and resisting cultural practices such as child marriage. More and more women are stepping into public spaces with confidence.
Violence affects children even before birth. A pregnant woman living in fear, abuse, or emotional distress carries these emotions within her, and in many ways the unborn child absorbs them too. Adolescence brings additional vulnerabilities, especially for girls. Many young girls who experience neglect, abuse, or instability at home begin searching for emotional support elsewhere. During my interactions with children in institutional care, I met many girls who had entered unsafe relationships because they were desperate to escape unhappy family environments. Some came from homes marked by alcoholism, violence, or neglect; for many of them, a government institution — despite all its limitations — became the first place where they experienced safety and emotional support.
Similarly, many children living on the streets had more often than not, fled abusive homes at an extremely young age. Once on the streets, however, they became vulnerable to exploitation, petty crime, gangs, and repeated abuse. Very soon, society labels them as criminals without understanding the circumstances that pushed them there in the first place. We often fail to recognize how deeply family environments influence the future of children.
However, child sexual abuse remains a deeply serious issue, especially since it often occurs within families, where a conspiracy of silence prevents accountability.
Therefore I strongly believe that families are indeed the seedbeds of change. If we wish to build a more just, compassionate, and peaceful society, transformation must begin within our homes. Children must grow up in environments marked by dignity, equality, affection, and mutual respect, the creeping dysfunctionality in our family systems must be stopped.
